If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
