and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize