bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
