every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
