You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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