Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
