im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
