Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
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