I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
