I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
