I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
