Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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