your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
The air was thick with penises
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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