a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
