Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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