i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
