you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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