She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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