I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
