some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Randomize
