so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
