hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You can't motorboat a personality
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
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