Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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