The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
