hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
