Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
