i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
