Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
