have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
