he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
