I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
