If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize