He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
