my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
