we have officially lost it.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
