you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
