Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
I did not marry a roomba.
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