the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
