every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
