im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Randomize
