Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
her facebook's as public as her vagina
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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