i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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