Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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