atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
