her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
