We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
