yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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