She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
