One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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