I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
