i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
