Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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