I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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