There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
