I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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