she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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