and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
