im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
