My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
