Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
