did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
