You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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