ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
