doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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