What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
