i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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