My nipple is on Facebook.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
