Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
A+ Viking dick
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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