after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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