Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
