Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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