Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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