We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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