we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i think i have herpe
just one?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
