Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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