im drinking this country out of the recession.
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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