I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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