You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize